SURPRISINGLY GOOD NEWS- There are good Samaritans out there. Meet Aysha Thomas, a personal banker at Chase Bank in Allen.  

Aysha called me a few weeks after the card went missing. She said that some boys had found my card in the bank’s parking lot and took the time to bring it to the bank. She then did an Internet search and found my information. Two days after her call my credit card arrived in the mail with a nice note and her business card.

Have you ever felt like you were fighting for your own survival and pitted against co-workers? Have you ever experienced a company’s “layoff lottery”? If you haven’t been laid off, let go, fired, down-sized, right-sized or terminated, then most likely it has happened to someone in your family or circle of friends. A quick review of the workplaces of my family and friends over the last six months reveals four layoffs, one business closing, and at least four organizations where jobs have been dramatically altered, outsourced or eliminated.

In my Passport to Success book called Meet the Challenge: Rise to Significance with Confidence, Decision & Purpose I discuss four things you can do to best protect yourself in this uncertain and, at times, threatening employment climate. 

 1. Have ambition and goals that contribute to your organization. Make sure you add value and keep track of what you are doing to move the organization forward. People who are successful choose and support a handful of priorities. They are realistic about what they want. When you set goals:

• Start with a few choices to increase impact and then add additional objectives as you deliver on the first.
• Promise in writing with a time limit.  
• Pick goals that are specific and measurable.  
• Set obtainable goals with some stretch.  
• Track your efforts and measure your endeavors. 
• Identify milestones and deadlines. 
• Review for direction and revision. 
• Take charge and celebrate results. 

 2. Understand the workplace politics. A good rule of thumb is to do what others can’t or won’t. Succeeding in office politics may require you to:

• Become an expert.
• Get a mentor or work with an Executive Coach.
• Avoid begging, groveling or appearing weak.
• Write, document and keep good files.
• Stop complaining -start improving what you can.
• Listen but don’t spread rumors.
• Contribute for gifts and company causes.
• Solve problems or propose solutions.
• Inform, not embarrass leaders.
• Protect classified information.
• Make (or save) the organization money.

3. Have a plan for possible situations that may occur.  I discuss this in a television interview about how to work and not worry. Being proactive may require you to update your resume, create a Linked In account, reconnect with trusted advisors who know your work, and updating any skill that you think makes you more valuable in the workplace. And what happens if you find yourself in a condition not of your choosing?

4. Release what doesn’t work. It makes no sense to hold on to unhealthy thoughts. Stop feeling guilty and worrying over small items. Instead:

• Dwell on what can be changed instead of the pointless.
• Remedy what you can and then move on.
• Remember your parents’ way doesn’t have to be yours. Times have changed, especially in the way we work.
• Make peace with yourself and others. Harboring ill-will towards past employers or co-workers does NOT play well in a job hunt or transfer.
• Deal with your history and get help if needed whether that is through a business coach, a counselor or a group.
• Set healthy boundaries. Take care of yourself and manage what can be managed.
• Stop chasing butterflies and time wasters. Focus on what will bring the most help to you right now.
• Accept what is and live in the present. Playing the “what if” game and trying to rewrite history is an unproductive way to occupy your precious time and energy.   

You can make peace with something or allow it to tear you to pieces. It is your choice.

Like the participants in The Hunger Games, you can’t bulletproof yourself or anticipate every scenario. But you can position yourself for the best possible outcome no matter where you find yourself. As they say in the book and movie, “may the odds be in your favor.”

Journey On!

P.S. If you know someone who has recently been a participant, either as an employee or leader, in their own “Hunger Games” or “Layoff Lottery” please reach out to them. Give them a call, offer help or send them a card. It makes a difference…really.

I also learned an important lesson about San Diego cab drivers!

Like the people you are negotiating with, most are ethical. However, a very few want to take you for a “ride.”

In my Passport to Success called Get What You Want:  Harness the Power of Positive Influence, Persuasion & Negotiation I say there is magic in just asking for what you want.  When I checked into my hotel in San Diego last week I asked for a nice view and here’s what I got:

Before you negotiate for anything ask yourself 3 questions:

1.  What do I want?

2.  Why do I want it?

3.  Do I want to invest my time and effort to get it?

In your daily journey use these tips for negotiating with people and in different situations.

• Your spouse or significant other. Opposites do attract. Try to have empathy for someone who thinks differently than you do. Ask how he or she came to the conclusion AND really listen before responding. Also, stay in the present and address the present problem at hand. It is not going to help your case if you discuss behavior that happened years ago.  And remember, with your spouse especially, that crying, yelling or raising your voice will reduce your credibility in the negotiation.
• Your children. It’s easy and natural to boss our kids around.  The household is typically more of a dictatorship than a democracy and there are definitely reasons to be in control as a parent.  Tame your emotions.  Raising your voice or yelling shows your kids you are not in control. In this case, consider what your kids value and negotiate from there.
• Your kids’ school teachers. Teachers deal with a lot of parents who think their kids can do no wrong.   It’s important to find what is in the best interest of the child without offending the teacher.  Include the teacher as a problem solver and be open to feedback and suggestions. Sometimes it really is your child who is creating the problem.
• Your boss. Whether you are asking for a raise, wanting a different project or wishing for a different schedule-make sure you practice, practice, practice. Practice includes understanding the concerns of your boss and knowing what he or she might say. Practice with a friend who reminds you of that boss. And don’t let the initial response throw you. If you’re not successful the first time, there will be another opportunity to ask for what you want.
• Paying your credit card bill. Pick up the phone today and ask your credit card companies if they can give you a lower rate.  Resist the urge to give a specific amount - just ask what’s the best they can do? Save credit card applications you’re sent as junk mail so that you have actual rates to compare your card to. Ask to change the payment schedule if you have more money at the middle or end of month.
• Store purchases. Ask if you can get a discount or if there is a special offer at the time. Some stores keep current store coupons behind the counter.  Also, ask if the item you are purchasing is about to go on sale. If so, ask if the store will honor the sale price today.
• At a hotel, restaurant or movie theater. Be polite. Express your feelings about what went what you want or what went wrong and ask what the venue can do for you.  Give the venue an opportunity to solve your problem the way they see fit. These are service businesses. Their solution may be better than any demand you make!

With everyone in every situation.  Know that the biggest mistake you can make is thinking that there must be a winner and a loser in every negotiation. Understand WIIFM (What’s In It For Me) for all parties involved. Know that others are thinking, “What’s in it for me” during an entire negotiation.

And what happens when you run into those occassional folks who are unethical like my crazy taxi cab driver? Well - you get out of the deal as safely and as soon as you can. And do not deal with those people ever again.

What have you negotiated recently?  Post it on my Facebook page.

Journey On!

Before planning for your next year, it is a good idea to reflect on the past year. Take a moment to recognize what worked, what didn’t and what you learned in 2011. Some questions to ask yourself are:

• Milestones: What are 3-5 achievements I reached this year?
• Aha’s: What are the ways I am different today than I was this time last year?
• Mulligan or Do Over: If I could do one or two things different this year, what changes would I make?
• Self-limiting Belief: What is a thought or pattern that isn’t serving me that I would like to leave behind this year?

Here are some questions to help you focus on what is possible for the New Year:

• Loose Ends: What are the best next steps I could take on my unfinished business from last year?
• Destination: What direction do I want to head to help me achieve my milestones this year?

Here’s what one attendee had to say about the afternoon she spent:

The workshop was an introduction to my Breakthroughs in Action Executive Coaching Program that begins in January. (There’s still time to register, too!)

However, many don’t know that I used an Executive Coach when I was transitioning out of my law practice into my speaking and consulting career. In fact, I still use a coach and mastermind group to help me make strategic decisions and hold me accountable. I know firsthand the benefits of having someone help you negotiate to your breakthroughs and how much more you can accomplish when you have smart, caring people holding you accountable.

Are you like me? Have you ever:

• Stood on the threshold of something great and hesitated because you weren’t sure which direction was the right one?
• Known you had the right ideas but wished you could “check your answers” before you presented them?
• Wondered what would be possible if someone with influence genuinely cared about your success?

If so, you may be an ideal candidate for my executive coaching and business mentoring program, Breakthroughs in Action.

This first Breakthroughs in Action program is for professional women in the Dallas/Fort Worth area who want to have a significant breakthrough in 2012.  This program will help you connect to a community of business owners and executives who are as committed to your success as they are their own.  In six months, you will approach your next challenge with unshakeable confidence and increase your performance, contribution and profitability.

If you think you might be a fit there is a selection process and we are interviewing now.

To learn more, go to www.BreakthroughsinAction.com, view the register form or email me to set up a time to discuss your questions.

If you know a professional woman who fits that criteria, please  forward this invitation to her.

Included in Program:

• Creating and Mapping your Breakthrough Year
• Six Half-Day Sessions with Training and Facilitated, Peer Problem Solving
• Customized Personal Development Plan
• Laser Mentoring Sessions (via phone)
• Accountability Partners and Structure of Support
• Limited Enrollment (no more than 12)
• Learning materials and Resource Library
• Optional: Additional coaching at reduced rates

Here’s to your Breakthrough year in 2012.  Let me know if I can help.

Thank you and hope to hear from you!

Both teams had incredible coaching. One of the most poignant coaching moments was in Game 4 when the Rangers’ coach Ron Washington pulled pitcher Derek Holland out in the top of the 9th inning after he had almost pitched a history making shut out. You could see Holland shaking his head “No” that he didn’t want to come out of the game and Washington nodding his head “Yes” that he was pulling him out. The crowd cheered as Holland left the mound. The Rangers went on to win Game 4. 

We often need a coach or mentor to guide us to do what is best for ourselves and those around us. I hired an executive coach to help me negotiate the transition from practicing law to writing and speaking. A recent article in USA Today  says that women are less likely to have coaching and sponsors in the workplace. Even though there are more women Fortune 500 CEO’s now than ever (18 are slated to be in place by 2012), there is still a gender gap between men and women on the job. This gender gap can be largely attributed to women “struggling to get the mentors they need.”

Mentoring and coaching can help you negotiate your way to star performance and creating a professional breakthrough. My new Breakthroughs in Action Executive Coaching & Mentoring program begins in January and is for women leaders. There is also a virtual program for leaders and high potentials slated and we are bringing this work to companies. 

“One who wants to know is better than one who already knows.” Yiddish proverb

In the Passport to Success I coauthored with Chris Clarke Epstein, CSP called “Be a STAR Performer: Develop Yourself and Other s with Insights, Feedback & Inspiration” we reveal that to be a STAR performer you should:

Know your Strengths. Most people can rattle off their deficiencies quickly but have to give more thought to their list of strengths. Ways to improve your strengths are:

• Use it in a volunteer setting
• Take an advanced class
• Read a book about it
• Teach it to a young person
• Apply it to a new situation  

Target your efforts. Applying your strengths to new situations will help you uncover “learning edges” which are areas that need improvement. Partner with people who have skills that you do not have and offer your strengths.   

Hold yourself Accountable. Keep your promises. STAR performers ask these questions before committing to someone or something:

• Can I really do this?
• Is there someone more appropriate?
• Can I do it in the promised time?
• Can I do it well?  

Surround yourself with positive Relationships. One of the best ways to improve in your position is with a mentor. Mentors understand organizational politics, have professional skills and are willing to share their expertise. First, determine the type of guidance you need and how much mentoring you are seeking. Let others know you are looking for a mentor, ask the person you have identified and establish how you will work together.

Many are willing to serve as a mentor and like playing a role in other people’s breakthroughs. However, they want someone who doesn’t waste their time and will actually take action. You can reach STAR performance. Determine what you need and find the courage to ask for it!

Journey On!  

P.S. Executive coaching or business mentoring made the difference for me. If you need a more formal approach to help you breakthrough to the next level, consider my new Breakthroughs in Action Executive Coaching Program beginning in January.   

If you are interested in hiring me to speak at your conference or event please email or call my Director of Marketing, Zan Jones, at 214-536-6666.

P.S.S.  Did you see what I had to say about women negotiating for a raise on TheGlassHammer.com?   

I envied my siblings for their differences and sometimes it created friction. The same challenges that occur in families often occur at work. One of the latest studies by the University of British Columbia talks about how these differences and envy can create workplace sabotage.

One of my bosses did just what this study says will cause workplace sabotage. I talked about it earlier this year on Channel 33 News.  It can be easier to work with someone when you understand his/her communication style - even when they are a jerk.  

In the Passport to Success I coauthored with Sherry Buffington  called “Learn to Communicate:  Create CORE Communications with Insight, Impact & Intent” we outline four communication styles.  While people are a blend of these four, there are usually one or two styles that are stronger.  

See if you can guess how each personality style reacts like a jerk when under stress:

1. Commanders (like Mr. Grant on The Mary Tyler Moore Show or Catherine Willows on “CSI”) are extroverted, decisive and logical. Often in leadership positions, they are comfortable leading and delegating. A Commander’s motto is, “Get to the point and let’s do it.”       
2. Organizers (like Spock on Star Trek or Dr. Temperance “Bones” Brennan on Bones) are introverted, reserved and serious. Structure and predictability are important to them and they are cautious when relating to others. An Organizer’s motto is: “Show me proof.”     
3. Relaters (like June Cleaver on Leave It to Beaver or Alan Harper on Two and a Half Men) are also introverted and reserved but tend to be thoughtful as well. They thrive on cooperation and sharing and tend to be laid-back or easy-going. A Relater’s motto is: “Let’s help each other succeed.”     
4. Entertainers (like Lucy on I Love Lucy or Tim Allen in Last Man Standing) are extroverted, assertive and playful. They enjoy spontaneity and friendly competition and are typically charismatic and talkative. An Entertainer’s motto is: “Let’s make this fun.”

Each communication style reacts differently when under stress. For example:  

• Commanders can become impatient, belligerent and bossy.
• Organizers may withdraw, become passive/aggressive and use sarcasm.
• Relaters could act hurt, feel guilty and become tearful.
• Entertainers may become pushy, argumentative and demanding.

You can improve your chances of success when communicating with each of the four styles appropriately. Under stress, minimize the “jerk factor” of:  

• Commanders by knowing your stuff, speaking with confidence and getting to your point.
• Organizers by staying low key and giving details, facts and statistics to offer proof.
• Relaters by showing your genuine concern for them, offering personal stories and providing encouragement.
• Entertainers by staying creative, not dwelling on details and involving them in the solution.  

Don’t forget to observe yourself under stress. It helps to figure out how your communication style could be negatively perceived by others so you can make adjustments.

Me? I’m definitely the bottom-line, direct and results-oriented Commander with a lot of Entertainer mixed in. I like to lead, strategize and inspire others to take action. If you asked my brother and sister, they might say as the older sister I was a bit bossy and impatient. And there are times my kids would agree.

But then no one really asked them for their opinions, right?! Right!

Journey On!

My childhood home in St. Louis at 202 Bruce Avenue.

The memories of leaving this safe place with my friends to move to Dallas came rushing back. I can remember the eyes on me as I walked into my new classroom in the middle of the year and not knowing who to sit with at lunch. I had been taught not to talk to strangers and here was a school full of them with stylish clothes and Texas accents. “Never talk to strangers” was a rule that stopped working for me in fourth grade.

When you are an adult it’s a good thing to talk to strangers. No other business skill is as valuable or provides a more lasting legacy than networking to help you reach your goals. In the process, you can build relationships that last a lifetime. 

In the Passport to Success I coauthored with Peggy Collins called “Network Smart: Connect with Purpose for Knowledge, Help & Opportunity” we say that great connectors have these traits:

• Outgoing but interested in others.
• Positive about themselves and others.
• Highly resourceful.
• Open to adventure.
• Proactive.

If you possess these traits then you are on your way to becoming a great networker. A few ways to strengthen the above traits are:

• Identify and participate in associations, social networks and industries that can provide important relationships. Some of my best connections are from my church network and from the National Speakers Association. By the way, the National Speakers Association just published an article I wrote in the September edition of Speaker Magazine.   
   
• Deliver your elevator speech. Many of you have heard this concept. It means that you should be able to describe your business or what you do in the 20-30 seconds it would take you to ride an elevator. How many times has someone asked you what you do and you just state your company’s name or your job title. Try this statement next time, “I help people/businesses to ______ so that they can ______. ”
   
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  Self-imposed obstacles to connecting with others include feeling shy, fear of rejection, not knowing what to say, thinking you are begging or bugging someone or not wanting to be indebted to others. Acknowledge the obstacle that is keeping you from connecting. Know that most people (including you) like to be helpful to other people.
   
• Network internally. Remember to connect with people who work within your organization. Networking smart can help you become known as a resource and create more job security during reorganizations. Often when organizations downsize, the person placed on the elimination list is the person no one on the management team knows.

 The next time you are resisting making a connection remember, when you are an adult, it is a good thing to talk to strangers.

If you are interested in bringing me in to speak at your conference or meeting please email my Marketing Director Zan Jones or call her directly at (214) 535-6666.

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If you told me 6 months ago that I would be dressed in a wetsuit with scuba gear and getting scuba certified I would’ve told you, “No way!” I am not a terrific swimmer and breathing underwater was, at first, very scary. I really didn’t like the wetsuit or gear, especially when the instructor told us to remove and replace our masks underwater. Then I was reminded of what Stephen Covey says,

“We immediately become more effective when we decide to change ourselves rather than asking things to change for us.”

Change is done in a series of small steps. My fear was mainly about giving up control and trusting the new equipment and training. I was really resisting an attitude change that I needed to make so I could learn to scuba dive. Our kids had no problem adapting. However, Mom had to risk looking a little “stupid” and to ask for some extra help from some friendly instructors at International Scuba. 

This happens at work all the time, doesn’t it? We may say we dislike our new boss, the new process or a new office space when we are really resisting the change we need to make.

Part of adapting successfully is knowing when and who you can tell about the challenges you are facing.  

Deciding whether to tell people about your change can be tricky. In the Passport to Success I coauthored with Chris Clarke-Epstein called “Do Change Better: Adapt Your Status Quo with Clarity, Confidence & Success“ we say that if change is of your own making, then consider the following:  

• Tell if you think people will be supportive. 
• Don’t tell if you believe they think you can’t do it and will be vocal about their opinions.
• Tell if you want people to hear the news from you. 
• Don’t tell if you want to keep this change quiet for a while.

However, many changes are not of our own making. A job loss, the death of a family member or a sudden illness are situations that will require you to change whether you want to or not. In this case, consider the following: 

• Tell if people around you will be affected by your change. 
• Don’t tell if revealing the information feels humiliating to you. 
• Tell if you will need help or support from others.
• Don’t tell if you are compromising someone else’s privacy. 

And if you get a new boss and don’t like him/her: 

• Tell your significant other or close friends and get input from them.
• Don’t tell co-workers, suppliers or vendors.
• Tell your HR department if ethics or laws are being broken by your boss (but keep in mind you will have to prove your accusations).
• Don’t tell your boss’s boss. Jumping over your boss’s head can be the kiss of death.

I’m glad I told our instructors that I needed the extra help. At the end of the day, we saw fish and sights I would have missed if I hadn’t asked and taken the risk. Now…if I could get over how I look in that wetsuit. Guess it is just part of the journey.